ZBags

Sep 15

(Source: zbags)

Sep 14

Your kidney stones were secretly magnetized by the U.S. government because you are beautiful. Why caress your nipples with sedated hedgehogs when you could be talking about ketchup? This sentence is important because people have a right to know. “I thought a hubcap took only 2 to 5 minutes to dematerialize,” quizzed the perky faun, spying a mound of cheddar outside the gazebo that housed a particle weapon that turned shoelaces into toothpaste. It’s a special horror mask, made just for lobsters: be gentle. Simply shift the Kia Soul into reverse and keep going until one or more rattlesnake ovulates. The insect who devoured my cousins long ago is buddies with me now (his 1st name is zzzz’xuuuu-xuu’uuu-xuuuu-xu-xu-xu-zz’zzx’x’x’x’x’x). [Petals? Snout? Mist?] Once Aphrodite had tweeted Hermes five times, he printed the tweets out, rolled them into pipes and so created a divine instrument. With proper training, a bumblebee can swallow thousands of wolves. Before she died, she used the remaining shoelace to lynch the Malibu Ken. Why didn’t she call for help? Employees claim she still walks in the halls at night, drizzling caramel that never leaves a stain, making rude comments about your genitals.

(Source: zbags)

Sep 11

[video]

Sep 08

(Source: zbags)

Sep 04

(Source: zbags)

Sep 01

euxinova:

27a.

euxinova:

Aug 31

dnuuk:

lesanteamour:

reachformynutzack:

mad42o:

danielaxdgarcia:

O.o

Amazing tranzformation!!

Has science gone TOO far?!?!

Transformaciones

Wicked!

dnuuk:

lesanteamour:

reachformynutzack:

mad42o:

danielaxdgarcia:

O.o

Amazing tranzformation!!

Has science gone TOO far?!?!

Transformaciones

Wicked!

Aug 29

I hate it when my apartment has a mouse problem but the traps only catch donuts and jellyfish. If I wanted your candy, I’d build an impenetrable fortress out of insect opinions. Twelve 0.05 millimeter-tall Pancho Villa clones would have to spend their entire lives breakdancing to bring one tardigrade to orgasm. There are secretly edible action figures that beg children to dismember and eat them one week after purchase, and if you are bitten by one, your seventh son will at full moons become a wax figurine, invisible to all but capable of laughter. Do you spay and neuter your grotesques? Please engineer a species of enormous firefly that curls up and becomes a biodegradable lantern upon dying. I love it when ravenous harp seal pups are unable to evacuate their bowels yet desire to eat my flesh all the same. The pet snack underground is teeming with extreme & uncompromising treats for your pooch. "I AM FUN! I AM FUN!" screamed the person, waving limbs around wildly and destroying property in protest of those Welsh Corgis that bark incessantly, shave their own fur off and wear other people’s lipstick. For some reason, people named Vurenzuloproxximatique have never been nice to me.

(Source: zbags)

Aug 28

fridaynitegarageparty:

thimbleofwine:

zbags. always rocking.

I’d rather be doing this right now

fridaynitegarageparty:

thimbleofwine:

zbags. always rocking.

I’d rather be doing this right now

Aug 26

Follow this specific individual on Twitter

Follow this specific individual on Twitter

(Source: zbags)

Aug 25

27.
THE THIRD ITEM INSPECTED: A BUST OF A WOMAN WITH AN ARTICULATED MOUTH AND MOVING GLASS EYES, POSITIONED IN FRONT OF A PANORAMA OF THE EUXINOVAN COASTLINE PAINTED ON A SPOOLED LINEN SCROLL.
WILFRED.    I recognize this exhibit from the Exposition. It runs hourly at the Central Pavilion — but there, a man beside the display delineates the visual tour, and no bust such as this is involved. It seems designed to mouth the narration like a puppet.
AULDOMOUCHE.    Its style and construction leave no doubt that it’s of the same manufacture as the automated sculptures found in the Parc d’Urongelex. Surely the noted entrepreneur Visculorph d’Urongelex wishes to expand the presence of these devices — and he has married into the financial means to accomplish this — yet I’ve noticed they are not readily embraced by the public outside of their pastoral-satirical sphere.
The characters all derive from Euxinovan myths and theatrical traditions, dating back at least to the Romans. (This figure is clearly no exception and Ovarind would have been able to tell us more about it.) Most seem obscure, unfamiliar to common audiences, and this might result in a slight sense of unease in the average spectator. I believe that of the dioramas operated by d’Urongelex in Ellubecque’s Paysage de Beau Monde, only the exhibit “Thriampa Revealed” (which is forbidden to children) features automatons.
It is mystifying that he would store such items here — here of all places. And what dealings would he have with The Society of the Iron Frond?

THE THIRD ITEM INSPECTED: A BUST OF A WOMAN WITH AN ARTICULATED MOUTH AND MOVING GLASS EYES, POSITIONED IN FRONT OF A PANORAMA OF THE EUXINOVAN COASTLINE PAINTED ON A SPOOLED LINEN SCROLL.

WILFRED.    I recognize this exhibit from the Exposition. It runs hourly at the Central Pavilion — but there, a man beside the display delineates the visual tour, and no bust such as this is involved. It seems designed to mouth the narration like a puppet.

AULDOMOUCHE.    Its style and construction leave no doubt that it’s of the same manufacture as the automated sculptures found in the Parc d’Urongelex. Surely the noted entrepreneur Visculorph d’Urongelex wishes to expand the presence of these devices — and he has married into the financial means to accomplish this — yet I’ve noticed they are not readily embraced by the public outside of their pastoral-satirical sphere.

The characters all derive from Euxinovan myths and theatrical traditions, dating back at least to the Romans. (This figure is clearly no exception and Ovarind would have been able to tell us more about it.) Most seem obscure, unfamiliar to common audiences, and this might result in a slight sense of unease in the average spectator. I believe that of the dioramas operated by d’Urongelex in Ellubecque’s Paysage de Beau Monde, only the exhibit “Thriampa Revealed” (which is forbidden to children) features automatons.

It is mystifying that he would store such items here — here of all places. And what dealings would he have with The Society of the Iron Frond?

(Source: euxinova.com, via euxinova)

Aug 24

noirefrost:

zbags:

Seven Again by Colin Raff
Now at 2mb for clarified buggery

I think those dice might be loaded

noirefrost:

zbags:

Seven Again by Colin Raff

Now at 2mb for clarified buggery

I think those dice might be loaded

Aug 22

jaimegandarilla:

je ne comprends pas

jaimegandarilla:

je ne comprends pas

(Source: zbags)

Aug 20

darkbrainmatter:

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/Colin-Raff

darkbrainmatter:

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/Colin-Raff

Aug 18

(Source: zbags)