(Source: zbags, via mobdoctor)
where are we going ?
(Source: zbags, via gingerbowtie)
Innovative tech idea: a soft grunge sexual aid that appears to double as a chastity belt for your pet tarantula that is also a superhero film in which the hero has already been ground into pasta filling and people sit around eating tortellini and nothing happens. This statement cannot be unverified. Try it. My pet jumbo size carnivorous barnacle has so much joie de vivre that i can’t provide it with enough exciting activities and am a bad owner. My salt shaker is chock full o’ mosquito tonsils, but if I sprinkle out 150, it will be merely full and no longer chock. Please don’t tell anyone how I use my amazing Lucite uvula to train wasp collectives to lick my flatware. The quaized micronoglürk has three round-headed plinques on it, whilst some linen or other cloth still adheres to its insides. To vinch where it pletches is better than ripe queents or eelziporphlexes. Hummingbirds that thrive in corrupt meat give birth to microscopic clowns 7 times out of 10. Once again, in the background of a soft grunge image of mine, you have appeared clad in a non-soft grunge hat, and this is not appreciated. It’s time to stop romanticizing the way baby swans explode when you feed them self-healing coconut-almond cookies capable of data transmission that measure pulse and respiration rate while melting inside the body. I like to drink diabetic cats because their blood is sweet with unmetabolized kitty-glucose.
this makes me want to cry
So why does this picture make me feel some type of way?
The Aromatic Dwarf Chameleon (Bradypodion olfactorium) is the only known member of its genus able to change odor instead of color — likely a result of its crepuscular habits. Corpulent, slow and lacking a prehensile tail, it is easily caught, and requires minimal care as a pet. It remains a favorite with children, who enjoy the pastime of determining which scents it imitates best. (Mint-flavored candies work well in this regard.) Keep this animal away from waste receptacles, shoes, and pungent cheese.
(made rebloggable by request)
(Source: zbags, via zbags)
This made me feel very very uncomfortable.
Your kidney stones were secretly magnetized by the U.S. government because you are beautiful. Why caress your nipples with sedated hedgehogs when you could be talking about ketchup? This sentence is important because people have a right to know. “I thought a hubcap took only 2 to 5 minutes to dematerialize,” quizzed the perky faun, spying a mound of cheddar outside the gazebo that housed a particle weapon that turned shoelaces into toothpaste. It’s a special horror mask, made just for lobsters: be gentle. Simply shift the Kia Soul into reverse and keep going until one or more rattlesnake ovulates. The insect who devoured my cousins long ago is buddies with me now (his 1st name is zzzz’xuuuu-xuu’uuu-xuuuu-xu-xu-xu-zz’zzx’x’x’x’x’x). [Petals? Snout? Mist?] Once Aphrodite had tweeted Hermes five times, he printed the tweets out, rolled them into pipes and so created a divine instrument. With proper training, a bumblebee can swallow thousands of wolves. Before she died, she used the remaining shoelace to lynch the Malibu Ken. Why didn’t she call for help? Employees claim she still walks in the halls at night, drizzling caramel that never leaves a stain, making rude comments about your genitals.