Your kidney stones were secretly magnetized by the U.S. government because you are beautiful. Why caress your nipples with sedated hedgehogs when you could be talking about ketchup? This sentence is important because people have a right to know. “I thought a hubcap took only 2 to 5 minutes to dematerialize,” quizzed the perky faun, spying a mound of cheddar outside the gazebo that housed a particle weapon that turned shoelaces into toothpaste. It’s a special horror mask, made just for lobsters: be gentle. Simply shift the Kia Soul into reverse and keep going until one or more rattlesnake ovulates. The insect who devoured my cousins long ago is buddies with me now (his 1st name is zzzz’xuuuu-xuu’uuu-xuuuu-xu-xu-xu-zz’zzx’x’x’x’x’x). [Petals? Snout? Mist?] Once Aphrodite had tweeted Hermes five times, he printed the tweets out, rolled them into pipes and so created a divine instrument. With proper training, a bumblebee can swallow thousands of wolves. Before she died, she used the remaining shoelace to lynch the Malibu Ken. Why didn’t she call for help? Employees claim she still walks in the halls at night, drizzling caramel that never leaves a stain, making rude comments about your genitals.
I hate it when my apartment has a mouse problem but the traps only catch donuts and jellyfish. If I wanted your candy, I’d build an impenetrable fortress out of insect opinions. Twelve 0.05 millimeter-tall Pancho Villa clones would have to spend their entire lives breakdancing to bring one tardigrade to orgasm. There are secretly edible action figures that beg children to dismember and eat them one week after purchase, and if you are bitten by one, your seventh son will at full moons become a wax figurine, invisible to all but capable of laughter. Do you spay and neuter your grotesques? Please engineer a species of enormous firefly that curls up and becomes a biodegradable lantern upon dying. I love it when ravenous harp seal pups are unable to evacuate their bowels yet desire to eat my flesh all the same. The pet snack underground is teeming with extreme & uncompromising treats for your pooch. "I AM FUN! I AM FUN!" screamed the person, waving limbs around wildly and destroying property in protest of those Welsh Corgis that bark incessantly, shave their own fur off and wear other people’s lipstick. For some reason, people named Vurenzuloproxximatique have never been nice to me.